


a kiss to your scars

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blind Character, Blind Kanan Jarrus, Body Worship, Canon Disabled Character, Changing Tenses, Cock Tease, Couch Sex, Dirty Talk, Disability, Disabled Character, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Dom/sub Undertones, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Exhibitionism, Gay Sex, Grinding, Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort and Smut, I'm having fun, Idiots in Love, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kanan Jarrus Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Kanan Jarrus Needs a Hug, Kinda, Laughter During Sex, Light Dom/sub, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, POV First Person, Penis In Vagina Sex, Physical Disability, Post-Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice, Post-Season/Series 02, Present Tense, Restraints, Rough Sex, Scars, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Swearing, Teasing, Tender Sex, Tenderness, That's Not How The Force Works, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Sex, i am gay and horny and emotional, kanan fucks me in the living room and that's the plot, mostly present tho, star wars swearing, tht shld b a more common tag, trans porn, uhhhh let's see here, weird star wars dirty talk, weird star wars lingo, whatever, yes this is tagged as kanan/me fuck u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-20 08:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22180915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kanan has always been a lover. I’ve known that since the day I met him. A fighter on the outside, of course, as one would expect from one of the jedi, but the hard exterior merely concealed the softness within. He’s always been so gentle. He’s kindhearted and sweet, making sure that I get what I need. But since Malachor, he’s been distant. Isolating himself from the whole crew. Weeks have passed, and he’s only stopped bristling at my touch in the last few days.Now, he comes up to me, hair down, and puts a tentative hand on my shoulder.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Me, Kanan Jarrus/Original Character(s), Kanan Jarrus/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 8
Collections: Anonymous





	a kiss to your scars

Kanan has always been a lover. I’ve known that since the day I met him. A fighter on the outside, of course, as one would expect from one of the jedi, but the hard exterior merely concealed the softness within. And he showed it, in his own way. His lips quirked when he teased me and I teased back. He would let me lean against his shoulder while I played games on the datapad, sometimes going so far as to wrap an arm around me to play with my hair, or rest his head against mine. 

He’s always been so gentle. He’s kindhearted and sweet, making sure that I get what I need. The only marks he’s left on me have been tiny dark spots on my collarbones and shoulders. 

But since Malachor, he’s been distant. Isolating himself from the whole crew. I’ve given him space, of course, though I don’t go too far, doing my best to make it clear that he can come to me with anything. But weeks have passed, and he’s only stopped bristling at my touch in the last few days. 

Before, his calloused hands would caress my chest, my waist, my hips. He would cup my face and pull me so gently forward to plant a kiss on my lips. When I put a hand on his shoulder, he would reach up to hold it there, almost subconsciously. I would put a hand on the back of his neck and pull him down just enough to press my forehead to his. 

When we came to one another, breathless and wanting, he would let me take control. He would let his guard down and I would shove him onto the bed, ready to toy with him, teasing the whole way to his climax. That, or I would wrap my legs around his hips and have him love me slowly, languidly, savoring every moment of it. 

Now, he comes up to me, hair down, and puts a tentative hand on my shoulder. He’s uncertain. I reach up in a silent reassurance, and his grip tightens slightly. Not enough to hurt, but I can see his jaw tense. He takes a deep breath. 

“Erim,” he says, a soft baritone rasp. “I . . .” He sighs, clearly not knowing what to say. His hand slides down the length of my arm and he takes my hand in his, sliding into the booth around the dejarik board beside me. His knee brushes my thigh. His other hand reaches up, clearly hesitant, and he manages to tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear. His fingertips linger where my jaw meets my neck. I lean into the touch. 

Kanan leans in, his breath warm against my ear. “I want you,” he whispers, so quietly I can barely hear him. His lips brush against my neck, teeth grazing gently against the soft skin, and then his free hand is on the side of my belt. His thumb sneaks up under the hem of my shirt and he rubs small circles into my hip. 

“Kanan,” I whisper back, smiling. “We can’t do this here.” 

“Everyone else is asleep,” he argues. “And I want you _now_.” 

A shiver runs down my spine. I know he caught it, too, as he chuckles against my neck and starts to pull aside the collar of my shirt, kissing and sucking and nipping on my shoulder and collarbone. His hand strays further upwards, his fingers now on my ribs. I reach up and grip the hair falling around the nape of his neck, earning a low growl in response. 

“You’re so handsome,” he murmurs. And then, with a chuckle, “I don’t have to see you to know that. You’ve always been so gorgeous. Always will be.”

“Same goes for you,” I reply. “Even if you could never see it.”

He pulls away for a moment, lifting my shirt above my head before returning his mouth to my neck and chest. He slowly feels his way to the two long scars below my nipples and traces the length of each one with soft kisses.

“You’re wonderful.” I can feel him smile against my skin. His tongue flicks against my nipple, sending an odd tingling sensation through it. 

“Quit talking to yourself,” I joke. 

He bites down lightly — an oddly numb feeling that suddenly turns sharp — before laying the flat of his tongue against my nipple once more and licking it excruciatingly slowly. “Wiseass.”

I whine, reaching down to press one hand against his ass. He takes me by the wrist and brings it up to his chest. 

“Not yet,” he says sternly. 

“Kanan-“

“I’m the one in control here.”

I let out a shaky breath and swallow, nodding. “Yes, sir,” comes my reply before I can stop it, and my cheeks flush.

He smirks and pulls back again. “Good boy.” He grabs his shirt by the back of the neck and yanks it off. I instinctively put a hand on his side, feeling the sinewy muscle over his ribs, but once again he takes my wrist, this time pushing me back against the booth and pinning my hand above my head. I bring the other up as well, wriggling my fingers into his, and he adjusts his grip to hold both of my wrists. 

“Smart boy,” he coos. And then his lips are on mine, firm and demanding and so very unlike him. But I don’t complain; the change of pace, though unexpected, isn’t unpleasant. He rests one knee between my legs and grinds it against me. I buck my hips to match is pace, but he grabs my hip with his free hand, holding me down. 

“Someone’s eager,” he comments. A smile plays at the corners of his lips. 

“I could say the same about you,” I retort. 

“Hard not to be, with you.” He adjusts slightly, grinding his crotch against my thigh. I can feel his thick member, already half hard, through his pants. He bites his lip and groans slightly, but persists nonetheless. “Just the thought of you drives me crazy, Erim. Touching you . . .”

“Nothing we haven’t done before,” I reason. “But I take it that’s not what you meant.”

A soft moan. “I’ve always been able to feel you,” he explains. “But now it’s the only way to tell anyone apart. Aside from their voices.” He chuckles. “Every living thing has a force signature, and now they’re all so much stronger.” He brings his hand up slightly to squeeze at my waist. “This is like reliving every time with you at once.”

I can’t help but smile at that. “You sap,” I say with a laugh. 

“Mmn. Maybe so.” He nudges his knee under my other leg, pressing his tented pants to my crotch. “But I’m a sap who’s about to make you scream.”

I sigh contentedly at the thought. He releases my wrists, but I can feel him holding them in place with his mind. I’m getting soaked already. 

Kanan is slow to undo my belt buckle, then the button of my pants and the zipper, shimmying them only a few inches down my legs before letting his fingers dance across me through the dampened fabric of my underwear. He teases my erect t-cock for a moment, then presses ever so slightly inside me, the natural lubricant spilling from me providing a pleasant experience as he barely enters me up to his fingernail. 

I whine deep in my throat. “Stars, Kanan, stop teasing me.” 

“You’re gonna have to do a little better than that.” He presses the pad of his thumb against the underside of my t-cock and makes slow, deliberate circles. “Beg.”

I make a sound somewhere between a gasp and a shudder. “Please, Kanan, I want you so bad. I _need_ you. I need to feel you inside me; it’s been so long.”

“Mm, I know.” His hand stays right where it is. 

I whine again. “Please, Kay. I want you to make me yours.” And then, with a smirk: “Treat me like the slut I am.”

Kanan’s eyebrows shoot up, but quickly come back down with a smirk. “Blast, you’re so filthy.”

“Only for you.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” He grabs my pants by the waist and yanks them down. They catch on my boots and I can practically see his brain stutter. His mental grip on my wrists dissipates. I snort, kicking the boots off, and he finishes removing my pants with a somewhat bashful grin. “Whoops.”

“It’s fine, Kay.” I reach out to caress his cheek. “Keep going.”

He quirks an eyebrow. “And when did I say you were in charge here?” He snaps his chin slightly upward, sending my wrists back against the leather cushion and pinning them in place. “It’s my turn, laserbrain.”

I can’t help but smile as Kanan quickly does away with his own pants, pulling his boxers down with them and leaving them both on the floor. Then his hands return to my hips, warm and steady, as he slides his thumbs beneath the elastic of my briefs and starts slowly easing them down my thighs, inch by inch. I whine impatiently, only for him to stop entirely. 

“Kanan,” I breathe. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please fuck me.” I spread my legs as much as I can until the material of my underwear bites into my thighs. “I love your hands all over me, but I want you _inside_. Take my pussy. Do whatever you want; I’m all yours. I’m only ever yours.”

He shudders, standing with one leg on the couch to yank my underwear down past my ankles and tossing them on the floor. “You’re a dirty little slut,” he murmurs, stroking my wet labia with the pad of his thumb. “ _My_ dirty little slut.” He chuckles. I can feel the head of his cock pressing against me. “You’re so perfect. So handsome.” He puts both hands on my hips and starts to push into me. I bite my lip, trying not to moan too loudly. “Never would’ve thought from looking at you that you’d be such a good little whore.”

“Mmn- Kay-“ I start, but then he buries himself inside me and I all but scream. His mouth is on my throat, then working it’s way up my jaw. He nibbles on my earlobe for a moment before growling against my ear. His thrusts are hard and fast and I’m gasping for breath. “By the s-stars- I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Figured I’d try something new,” he whispers, nipping the soft skin of my neck.

“Kanan, don’t stop.”

His hands slide under me, lifting my hips, and I cry out again — longer this time — as he hits my g-spot over and over. Periodically, he’ll go deep inside me again, slowly rubbing against my cervix. 

“All mine,” he manages. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I gasp, clenching around him. “You’re so perfect.”

I can feel his hot cum releasing inside me as he groans out his orgasm, his forehead against my sternum. He thrusts a few more times, slower, eventually stopping with shaky breaths against my solar plexus. He releases my wrists and slumps against me, his head to one side. 

I smile at him, watching as he recollects himself with his eyes closed. I tuck a strand of sweaty hair behind his ear. Only once he’s caught his breath do I break the silence. 

“Are you okay, Kanan?”

He opens his eyes slowly. Blearily. He props himself up on his elbows and plants a kiss on my lips. “What makes you ask that?” His voice is lilted and dreamy, like it always is after sex, but there’s an underlying tension. “Did you not-“

“No no no, don’t worry. It’s not that. I loved it. It was fantastic. _You_ were fantastic.” I reach for one of his hands and bring it to my lips, kissing his knuckles. “But . . . It just wasn’t like you.” I give his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m worried about you.”

Kanan sighs. He pulls out of me to stand up. “I’m going to the ‘fresher,” he mumbles. 

I follow suit. “Then I’m coming, too.”

He sighs, knowing he can’t stop me. His cum drips from my folds and runs down my leg as we walk. 

“Kanan,” I say softly as he retrieves two damp washcloths. “I know this is hard for you.” I take the one he offers me and start to wipe myself clean. “And I know you need space to deal with it.” 

He doesn’t respond. I sigh and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“But I need you to know I’m here for you.”

He pauses at that. Blinks. Turns his head ever so slightly towards me. 

“I know, Erim.”

“Then you know you can talk to me. About anything.”

“I know.”

“You don’t have to keep it all bottled up inside.”

“I know.”

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

Kanan turns fully to face me now. There are tears in his milky, unseeing eyes, which dart around as though trying to hit a sweet spot that will allow him to see me. When he speaks, his voice is barely more than a whisper. 

“I don’t want to let you down.”

I sigh. Standing, I pull him to his feet, then place my hand over his heart. 

“You could never let me down, Kanan Jarrus.”

He laughs. Hollow. Defeated. “I let everyone down.”

I open my mouth to speak, but he continues. 

“I’m supposed to be the stable one. The rock. The Jedi Knight who knows what to do. Spectre-1.” He sighs. “Now I have to completely relearn how to fight. How to navigate the ship. How to do just about everything.” He hangs his head, almost in shame. “I can’t even train Ezra like this.”

I reach up to put my hands on the back of his neck, planting a kiss on his forehead. “You can still love your husband,” I tell him. “And he can still love you.”

Another empty, biting laugh. “Out of pity, maybe.”

I scowl. “Kanan Jarrus, you are the strongest, kindest, bravest, most stubborn man I’ve ever known. And I’ve met both Ezra _and_ myself. I don’t care that your eyes don’t work. I don’t care that they’re not the aqua blue that caught my eye when we first met. I don’t care that you don’t look right at me when we talk. I don’t care about the scar across your face. I don’t care about any of it. I love _you_ , Kanan. I love you for the man I came to know over the years I’ve been a member of this crew. I love you for the teasing and the laughter and the tears we’ve shared. So don’t give me any of that ‘you only love me out of pity’ slag!” My vision blurs. I take his hands in mine and hold them tightly. “I love you. I love you so, so much.” And then, despite myself, I laugh. “But you drive me kriffing insane.”

Kanan stands there for a moment, dumbfounded, before he smiles and squeezes my hands back. “You mean that?”

My grip tightens. “Wh- Yes, really! Stars, how dense are you?” I laugh again, and this time he joins me, pressing our foreheads together. 

We stay there laughing until it dies down into giggles. When we’ve calmed down a bit, I take his face in my hands, thumbs hovering just at the edge of the burn from Maul’s saber. 

“What is it?”

“Does it hurt?” The question tumbles from my lips before I can think better of it. “The scar?”

He shakes his head. “It did, but not now. The bacta helped with that.”

“Mmm.” I let my thumbs rest against the dark, scarred skin. It doesn’t feel much different than the rest of his face. I kiss the bridge of his nose, getting a confused sort of grunt in reply, and smile as I pepper his closed eyes with kisses. He chuckles, wrapping his arms around my waist. 

“I think it makes you look handsome,” I comment. 

“I’ll have to take your word for it.” 


End file.
